I was sitting here tonight thinking I really need to do another blog post.. but about what? I started coming up with ideas. Then I got distracted with thinking of my husband… So I thought I would write about that!
Okay the title may seem confusing. Does she wish she didn’t get married? 😮 Of course not! What I am realizing more and more, especially after having a child is that a marriage takes nurturing. If I want to maintain the playfulness, excitement, fun, and romance from when we were dating (or married and pre-children) then I will need to put in some effort. It’s like a plant you can’t just say, ‘Well, I bought this plant in October 2013 so I’ll set it in the living room and keep it forever’. No. That plant will die (unless it’s the tree in my parents kitchen … then it will live forever!). I am learning that a marriage is also like that living plant. It isn’t just something you get when you have your wedding. It’s something that needs nurturing, time, and tending to.
Since my daughter has been born I can say that I feel like our marriage has taken a backseat to baby. Obviously that’s okay for a while, baby needs care and nursing 24/7…. For me any free time I had (if I ever had any) was spent sleeping or showering.
Our daughter will be 11 months at the start of January. I can say in these 11 months we have only gone out maybe 2-3 times. When we do go out we have so much fun. Of course we miss baby; I am kind of attached so I don’t like to be out too long. But we enjoy the time together. It’s so good to be able to have a quiet undistributed conversation, and time to laugh and reconnect.
We need to do more of that! And you probably do too. Before we moved to the US we would try to have a date night once a week. Which seems odd because we were together every night. BUT we wanted to have a specially designated night where we would plan to do something. Often times it wasn’t anything crazy, and sometimes it fell through, but they were important nights. We need to start that again. Bring the date nights back, and put the focus back on your 1st love (before the kids came along).
Another thing I have noticed is that before we had Margaret Rose we used to go to bed at the same time. We had a date with our creator. We would snuggle up, say our prayers together and then go to sleep. When we feel disconnected I firmly believe it is because we haven’t been praying together anymore. The closeness we felt from praying together and sharing our hearts with one another and The Lord, was tangible. In the absence of that beautiful routine that closeness seems to be ‘less close’.
I will admit (and I’m sure I am not alone!) I’m guilty of not bringing up something I want to change or do in our marriage because I want my husband to know/realize/initiate/ be the leader. I am such a woman! But, this isn’t fair. He’s busy, not a mind reader and not perfect. So if either of us sees an area we need to improve on it’s our responsibility to bring it up. I ‘double dog dare you’ next time there is something that comes up… OR, if right now there is something on your mind. Bring it up to him/her.
Now, dating doesn’t just mean going out on dates. It means letting the other person know they are the object of your affection. That you could have chosen anybody in the world, but you want them. It is affirming them, compliment them, encouraging them. This is starting to sound a lot like my post back in October on living your marriage vows. Do the big things, and the little things to prove your love.
So back to the actual dates. I know life happens you can’t always make the weekly date night, or you run out of inspiration, money, creativity, etc. But try your best to do something special or out of the ordinary to make the ‘date night’ about your love. I found this blog – the Dating Divas. They’ve got TONS of ideas, and, they even give you printouts for some of the crafty ideas. I haven’t used a lot of there ideas yet… because I need to work on this whole ‘dating my spouse again’ business. One of the things I did download was there monthly calendar with ideas for loving your spouse. you can even print a ‘His’ and ‘Hers’ calendar so he will be responsible for odd days, you even, or vise versa, and it remains a surprise. Today I was getting out of the car after church (we went separately because Margaret was too sick to try to bring and deal with) and I left a little note on the odometer saying “I love you ❤ xo”. Tonight I was getting the bathroom steamy to help clear Margaret’s nose, and I ‘wrote’ on the mirror with my finger “I love you” in a few languages, and put hearts all over. So when he showers next it should show up … I think. Super small gestures. but I just wanted to show some extra love on a rough day.
There’s so much you can do, big or small, extravagant or simple. Just do something – I dare you. I know it will change your relationship for the better. I would love to hear any little, or big ideas you have for fanning the flame, and dating your spouse again in the comments below.